Alright, bouncers...everyone take your seats—class is back in session. This time, I'll be discussing Stoicism. The Stoics were a group of philosophers in ancient Greece and Rome who emphasized the importance of virtue, namely the four cardinal virtues of wisdom, courage, temperance, and justice. They taught that one should live life in alignment with nature and recognize the difference between the things that can and cannot be controlled—kind of like an early version of the serenity prayer taught in twelve-step programs: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” So, what can bouncers learn from the Stoics? Let’s take a look at what three of them had to say.
"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it, that matters." Look, if you’re doing security work, shit will happen. Drunkenness, the dick-measuring contest of clashing egos, and generally, shitty people doing shitty things are all on the table. Don’t make the mistake of thinking those things matter. How are you reacting to those things? Focus on that.
“The more we value things outside our control, the less control we have.” Wish in one hand and shit in the other, and see which hand fills up first. Let go of wishful thinking; it’s not productive. We all wish our customers would behave respectfully, tip, control their drinking, and so on. How often do those wishes come true? Focus on what you can control, like correcting unacceptable behavior, reminding them to tip, monitoring customer intoxication levels, and cutting them off as necessary.
“Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” Taking time to listen to what others have to say is a useful practice in security work. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of people try to talk me around in circles in an attempt to frustrate my efforts at kicking them out, and obviously, the answer in such cases is to shut that shit down. But some people, customers, and coworkers alike have legitimate complaints or concerns that ignoring them would be a disservice to them and your establishment. Don't act like you know it all—hear people out. “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.” This is a pet peeve of mine with bouncers. In our line of work, when someone tries to piss you off, they’re trying to get you to react irrationally. People are dumb when they’re mad, so stop taking the bait.
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.” Do your job. Keep the club tidy, maintain order, and do your part to make it the kind of place where people want to be. When some high roller walks in and decides he likes your club and that it's where he wants to spend his money, preparation will have met opportunity. Or neglect the place and watch it sit empty night after night. Make your own luck.
“Associate with people who are likely to improve you.” Look, I get it. Nobody wants to hear from the people in their life that they're anything short of perfect. Hearing that you have room for improvement can be a blow to the ego. But if you're surrounded by people who push you to be a better version of yourself, then you're with the right people. There's a saying that's attributed to General Electric CEO Jack Welch (it's also attributed to Confucius, so who knows where it actually originated...) that goes, "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room." Think about it.
“Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.” So you didn’t listen to what Epictetus had to say about anger, and you let that drunk asshole provoke you. Now you’re in trouble for breaking his jaw. Lawsuits or jail time are far worse than the minor indignity of being disrespected. Don’t be an idiot.
“Waste no time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” It’s that easy. You may not get it completely right all the time, so you adjust course as you go. Like Lao Tzu said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
“In your actions, don’t procrastinate. In your conversations, don’t confuse. In your thoughts, don’t wander. In your soul, don’t be passive or aggressive.” Do what needs to be done in a timely fashion, communicate clearly, be present on the job, and keep a level head. I don’t really think this one needs all that much explanation.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” In this quote, Marcus Aurelius echoes the sentiments of Epictetus, and it really gets to the heart of Stoicism. Let go of what you can't control and focus on what you can.
“Confine yourself to the present.” This one honestly feels a bit hypocritical of me to write about, especially since I'm finishing up this article ten days past the submission deadline, and I keep putting down my laptop to pick up my phone to distract myself, but hey...I'm learning here, too. It's especially important to remain in the present when doing security work. You’re getting paid to protect your people, so put your phone away and take charge of your environment.
Okay, that’s a wrap on Stoicism. Try putting these concepts into practice going forward; I certainly plan on it. Class dismissed!
Nate Hazen is a writer, bouncer, and standup comic. Catch him working at X Exotic Lounge and Dixie Tavern or telling jokes at comedy open mics around town. Come see his comedy show, Tits & Giggles, at X on the first and third Thursdays of every month.
